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Siva and Sakti, the eternal dance within

I am Sati,
holding her dead weight of her earlier selves
dropping them off as they fall
like discarded selves wherever they choose
sacred to others,
Sacred to the indifferent me,

I am Sati
who will one day traverse the path
of my discarded sacred selves
that will be held in awe
by those who came by them,
parts of me that I had forgotten
preciously guarded by those who
found them,
and we shall piece it together,
that earlier glorious Sati
who dared, dreamed, crossed the line,
paid a price for crossing,
and died trying to
find love in a place she left
that was no longer home
losing her home many times over.

I am Siva,
holding the weight of Sati,
the discarded dead parts of her selves
that no longer serve her,
the selves that must fall away,
so she can be born anew.
How can she who is the mother of all creation
cling to her earlier selves,
ache until eternity of that who she was?

While I miss her childlike earlier selves
they must die if a new goddess has to emerge.
She must shed the weight of earlier ties,
face the fire of her own defiance
and crossing the line,
She must kill all her earlier selves,
and I would hold them as they die,
until they fall off their own accord,
until the last piece falls away,
and until then,
I shall hold all her pain and mine,
in sacredness,
knowing how precious her journey to me was.

Sacred is this act of mine
of holding her until her rebirth.

As Siva, I know
the countless cycles of birth and rebirth,
I know that the new goddess who would emerge,
who would find me again,
would have no trace of the earlier one,
And, like her, I
must mourn the death of the earlier goddess
and learn to give space to this new one within me.
That to be her true match,
I must make myself countless times
the place she could call home.
so she can be born anew again and again.
For I am the home she seeks,
a place where she meets her equal,
solid and inseparable to her energy,
willing to deal with death,
her many deaths and rebirths and mine.
For it is through her rebirths,
and gracious sharing that I am reborn.

Inside me, Sati comes home to her Siva
and Siva holds space for his Sati,
matter and energy,
time and space,
stillness and action,
fire and ice,
creation and destruction,
life and birth.

In Sati's dance, Siva comes alive
for without her, he is lifeless.
All that dances in Siva is Sati.
Pure Sati with his form.
And, without him, she would escape
with nothing to bind her.
By holding her down with his form,
he becomes her home.

Siva and Sati,
finally home.
The lines blurred.
Finally home.
Siva in Sati.
Sati in Siva.
Both in me.
Both me.

- Srividya Srinivasan 7/12/2021

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