Large crowds scare me. Sports. Religion. Art. Events. It just feels overwhelming. Does not matter what the motivation is. Or context.

Very loud noise makes me flinch. Parties. Religious. Rallies. Does not matter. Dirt and Squalor makes me feel very sick. Food waste. Overflowing dustbins. Tipping painted statues into rivers and lakes. Dirty bathrooms. Restaurants. Spitting. Polluting water bodies with industrial waste or from worship. The list is endless.

I am someone who would go for very early morning walks before 5 am just to enjoy quiet and privacy where very minimal people would be around. Who would shut myself in for days unable to stand blaring loudspeakers. I request cab drivers and even auto drivers to not spit, once even a client ... I used to clean up ATMs that would have paper strewn all around, clear paper and plastic wherever I travel, advise drivers to not throw things out of the car, have requested fellow travellers to be quiet when entering places of religious worship especially of other faiths, begged for quiet during travel ... It does not put me on the edge or upset me like before. I do my little bit and keep my inner calm.

For me life is small, personal and about meaning that I am allowed to soak in. Whether lighting a lamp, watching a garden bloom, cooking a special meal or catching up with a friend. I like small gatherings for music, cinema, poetry or appreciation. Where you can think, feel, appreciate. I feel rich and abundant in the simple, the humble, the real. I like small, old temples ... Clean, and unassuming in a way. Where you can have a personal conversation with the universe or higher powers. In silence. Or in quiet prayer. I dislike godmen or women translating or telling me how to comprehend sacredness in loud ways in a loud world when I am already connected with a beautiful quietness and deep sense of the sacred. I do not need a translator to interpret the profoundness of creation or existence.

I do not need assistance or reminders of this privilege of birth or the sense of the divine. Nor rules or punishment to honour places, nature or fellow humans and animals.

I merely need pockets of people and places and ideas and energies where I can enjoy a quieter world. Where religion is not a spectacle. Art choices are not flaunt. Mental health is not a meme. Where genuineness is not a burden.

I cannot be overawed by mere size, money even if the bulk of humanity is wowed and moved by something. Unless it touches my soul with its simplicity or warmth, I cannot be moved by it merely by persuasion of numbers. I am not here to judge anyone about what moves them, or what inspires. My clarity in what holds me true unswayed by others is my act of prayer, my offering to the divine. I bring myself alone into this world, and I will leave alone. I have absolutely no sense of loneliness in holding my awe, sacredness or spiritual on my own terms ... Alone. That validity is enough.

Am I being an odd ball ? If I am, I feel very happy and very comfortable to be one. To maybe be part of a small tribe that is neither interested in fighting cacophony nor resisting anything other than being.

I am here to savour my privilege of being. Savour in awareness. Joy. And sacredness. Untouched and unimpressed by the drama around.

Life is fleeting. I would love to celebrate it in full awareness. I embody everything I talk about, share or care about. They are an integral of me. I have zero interest in impressing anyone or buy their approval or support by compromise or flattery.

It is the right time to make life feel deeply fiercely personal.

- SS