I wonder if you ever think of me, wondering impatiently if I would ever cross your path. Do you ever question my existence, and if I am but a figment of your imagination ? Do you long for my presence to complete you, for my rather quick mind for you to tune into, for my feet to match your steps, to curve your body against mine ? Do you long to grow old with me ?
I wonder if you sit alone in coffee shops watching others go by. Do you read a book waiting for a night train to catch? Did you miss an early morning flight because I was not there to see you go ? I wonder if you miss the sound of our unborn children, the sound of my laughter, my early morning husky, raspy voice that you love but strain to catch ? I wonder if you miss me tracing your lean jaw, as my lips curve into a smile you love.
Am I an idea in your head, powerful enough to appear in your life for real ? I know everything about you, and yet you are but a notion in my head, a fantasy woven from my desire for you since time unknown.
As the snow flakes fall by your window, do you sit there drinking your hot coffee ? Do you miss me amidst a family and friends ? Or, are you a loner, a treasure trove of intense emotions held in check for us to discover? I wonder if you miss the quickness of my feet, the little dance i do in front of the mirror because i know you would be watching in that intent way of yours. Do you miss my presence by your side and our shared silence as we watch the sun come up ? Did the soft music and the light from my early morning kitchen disturb your sleep as you wake up, to come stumbling into my arms ? Do you peer curiously into my half-opened book by the couch to see what I am reading ?
I wonder if you are old or young? Whether you have known love or are waiting unto eternity for me to appear ? Do you miss me when you felt that rush of joy, do you turn around eagerly to catch my eye only to find me missing? Am i the ache in your throat, the restlessness that wakes you up at 3 in the morning? Am i the reason you finish your sentences rather abruptly, unwilling to let your guard down, to let others see your vulnerability and loneliness? Am i the laughter held up in your throat, the twinkle in your eye held in check, the hidden madness amidst your calm ?
Would you know me if we met ? That it is I, you were searching for. Would it matter to you, the journey I have been on, to reach your side? Would we just know, or would we doubt and just walk away?
I wonder if you would want me by your side, to hold your hand as you walk, your larger strides slowing down to match mine. I wonder if your eyes would connect to mine across a room full of people, and still want to. I wonder how it would be to hear you call out my name.
I wonder if you miss me as much as I miss you. I have known you all my life, and yet I often question your existence, and wonder if you are but a figment of my imagination.
Srividya Srinivasan - 15/03/2016