He:
As a man, there is a way to both take full accountability, ownership and focus on our own growth and do the work in order to emerge stronger, healed, better for ourselves and others especially someone we are really wanting to be with, be there for and grow with. To take full responsibility and not wanting to burden somebody with ourselves during our sorting out phase, coming to terms phase, internalising phase is being an adult. But we pull back, ghost and withdraw. We do it for multiple reasons. One is to save them from us when we are unsure, uncertain, not our best or not sorted. Another is also that we are scared that they would burden or project their uncertainties on to us, making us feel doubly pressured. This in the top of having to function normally at work, and in a world where we were raised and encouraged to not show our feelings or vulnerabilities.We are petrified of showing our darker, weaker or insecure selves and we have only a limited energy to pour. So we sometimes just hang on to our jobs, ghost or even lose great relationships during this phase while we resolve this battle to level up.

Strangely, this is also the phase that we badly need the softness of a woman, the inspiration and hope to stay the course and the deep emotional anchoring that makes it feel worthwhile.

More men need to know how to not pull back and withdraw during this phase. Because the longer they take to resolve within, the deeper becomes the disconnect in the relationship where the woman waits in limbo, knowing deep within that she is waiting for the highest version of the man to merge with her highest version, and yet without any communication, commitment or conversation with him has to guess her way to faith. 

She:
The woman has work to do too in this phase. She has to lighten up, focus on herself, stay grounded, encourage him to stay his course and also ensuring that she stays steady in her power. For the stronger and steadier she stays, the more he can reclaim himself for the union at the level both crave, desire and deserve. She has her own growth to work on and offer, understanding who she is and allowing herself to be herself from all that aims to clip her.

He & She:
The lesson in this is that the man has to feel brave enough to share his journey through his darkness, strong enough to do all his inner work alone, humble enough to reach out for support, solidarity or love when he falters, and spiritual enough to understand that the end goal is the beautiful union. Through this process he claims, builds, learns and defines his masculinity, power and love to build himself, and the union while acknowledging the woman and her role, strength and support in his growth. He does the bulk of the pulling on his own but would not do so without the concept of the other to feel motivated for. So, it is both solo work and team work.

The more the woman learns exactly what aspects of being there for the man as he does the work is her role, she can focus on her freedom, her steadiness and her happiness.

A man can never be happy unless he is free and willingly offering himself to a union bringing his highest. The success metric for him is to know and see his woman happy, secure and in her full power under his care. And, for a woman, her full growth comes in expanding to her fullness in the confidence that however she expands in her potential, he would step up a degree more to hold her, nourish her and keep her safe. That is expanding both individually and together in the union.

That is the ultimate journey, the union. For the man and the woman. And it is born from trust. For the man as he works him way to levelling up to deserve the woman, the union and to stay connected with her and still hold responsibility for his own work, and for the woman to not cling, needing continous reassurance that she matters and is valuable to him and confusing or pulling him further at a time when he is trying to level up.

It requires both to go outside their comfort level. For him to stay open and connected and not withdraw and run, and for her to stay open and trusting, and not cling and needing reassurance.

Societies are not rewired superficially. Wounds do not heal without the right environments. A truly beautiful and sacred union that changes generations and fulfils deep human desires of connection and fulfillment cannot be ordered at a click. It cannot be done through counselling and therapy.

It has and can only be done through co-creation. There has to be new ways of seeing, asking, receiving, holding space, loving, living, freedom, trust and harmony.

It is possible. This beautiful world. 

The time is now.

When more men are willing to do the work and more women are allowing themselves to expand. To attempt it together is the ultimate journey. The biggest social change that we can bring to joy, healing and shared lives.