When a woman has to ask to be considered, has to remind that her feelings matter, is not protected emotionally and physically during a crisis by her partner, she is with a wrong man. She cannot be soft and feminine and also be unprotected and unsafe. Her own inner masculine will have no option but to rise up to save her. As she holds space for the both of them in trying to save the relationship, her emotional feminine nurturing self is poured into her indifferent or dismissive partner or her children while she herself receives nothing back emotionally in return. Her own masculine becomes dominant to help her survive. This is how the most deserving of women who overgive lose themselves and their partner. Because her cup of soft feminine pours for others while not being replenished, while her cup of the inner masculine starts filling up to protect her. This is what makes her sometimes hard. Fearful of softening. If a man wants to keep his woman in her softness, he need not be perfect. Or, always strong. Or invincible. He has to remember her through his storms. Give her a warning that he is working on the storm within him and ask her to stay safe until he returns emotionally back to her. And, when he does return from conquering his inner demons to his waiting woman, if his question is ... How did you manage in my emotional absence? How were you battling your own storms without me beside? How are you now when I return ? It takes courage for a man to step up and think of her and the impact his avoidance or emotional or physical distance does to her natural giving nature. She sees his distancing as rejection and he as protecting her from his demons.

There is a sacredness to missing. It cannot be treated casually or like a pattern. I will be missing for a bit, stay ok is love. Did you miss me? Is love. How did you manage when I was missing ? Who are you when I am gone missing ? These help bring two people together even when there is a crisis. She says, go. I will manage. And, he returns saying, thanks for holding space for me. I am happy to return and I am grateful to have you to return to. That is what grace is about.

It is not the distancing or emotional avoidance of men that kill beautiful relationships. It is the lack of warning to his partner, his most precious companion that he is going to war within himself, slay a few demons and he will return. Then the magic happens. She keeps her soft, feminine nature for him, for them while her inner masculine steps up to gift him the space to nurture himself with his inner feminine while she manages. They switch roles. This is union. Partnership. And, when he returns in gratitude, knowing that she is fully capable of holding fort while he needed to be vulnerable, he takes his masculine back, allowing her to pour her feminine back to him which feeds his desire for her energy. This is how love should be.

Most often the male disappears with no warning. Returns or never returns. Returns with no gratitude or acknowledgement of the space that was held for him, behaves in such a way that the soft feminine side the woman had kept frozen for her partner disappears because she senses that she can only operate now from her masculine as there is no male to take over. So, she becomes a permanent masculine and this makes the male feel less masculine and resentful of her masculinity. Instead of stepping up, he would step back losing his desire for her. Because he yearns for the soft feminine in her to nurture and regain his sense of masculine. But instead he has only the masculine in her. This makes him angry and abusive towards her. The more she is forced to rise up to protect herself through her masculine, the less he feels masculine. And, that forces him to protest against his own feminine caring self. So, we have his wounded masculine at war with her dominant masculine. She longs for the man. He longs for the woman. And, both are missing the man. She is forced to become the man. She would initially try and stay open to meeting someone who would bring back her softness. But the longer she is forced to operate in her masculine having no other choice, the lesser she finds reason to become soft. She starts distrusting softness. Ashamed of it. And, the longer the man continues his pattern of disappearing, dismissing, avoidance and not taking back the masculine from her and celebrating her softness, he too would become distrustful of his masculine and his feminine. He feels angry that he is now too soft and there is nowhere to pour his protection, his love or purpose as a masculine. The woman is taking care of herself through her masculine energies and given up on her feminine self. And, he has no place for his masculine and feels too feminine which does not attract her. So, we end up with masculine women and soft clueless men.

This is where we are. As humankind.

It takes a very simple switch to change this. The masculine has to Communicate. Stay Consistent. And, come back to Connection.

For that, he has to really see her. Tell her when he is off to war within. Ask her how she was when he returns. How she managed. Tell her how the war was like. Celebrate the victory together, one step at a time. Reclaim his masculine from her once he returns and celebrate and re-awaken her feminine. Be openly grateful. It is very much possible. With one small step. The male has to be open to this.

But sadly, he sees himself as weak for communicating. For asking for time to work on his demons. Takes her for granted or is dismissive of the space she holds for him. He does not see the need for gratitude. He shames himself for having been a normal human who wanted time to sort himself out.

He just has to make this simple shift. The entire society will change with that simple act of openess and humility. But men would even go to real war, kill others, bomb cities, hurt anyone and everyone rather than actually see a woman. Or, her wisdom. Or her deep love. Or, her holding space. Or, make this shift.

- SS