To be free is to be terribly lonely. That is why, we willingly chain ourselves. - SS

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Loneliness then is the most beautiful expression of the soul and in its ache for a companion lies its generosity. In the split second when one rejoices in abundance, wistfulness rushes in because there is no one to share it with. And, the sense of abundance is immediately replaced with ache and loneliness. For what is laughter when laughed alone, what is a dance when danced alone, the music when listened to alone? What is love when it is only love with oneself? What is a meal that is consumed alone, what is the magic in a child's footsteps and tinkling laughter when enjoyed alone? What is a look after all, when there is no answering spark to catch it?

Loneliness then is the most honest and generous of all emotions, because it aches for completion and sharing. It hates solitary bliss.

And, so god made man in his own image and man made his gods in his own image, each aching for completion. When the gods got lonely, they reached out to man, and man reached out to his gods, when the humans left him lonely...

The ache of the soul to share its abundance, is why may be even paradise gets lonely after a while. An overflowing cup that is full, overflows in vain. It aches in its fullness - SS

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Nothingness is not blankness. It is empty and it is not.

You know this whole observer angle to life? Been through it many times in life, in many ways.

Many years ago during some of my intensely tumultuous years, i remember being acutely aware of one self (within me) rather distantly watch the other self ( that was me ) outside of me go through the motions of life. This was fro many years. Almost as if, you were watching yourself from afar from outside yourself. But that observing still had emotions even amidst its dispassionate nature. There was a sense of an I, a distinct awareness of energies contained within the watching self. As if the watching self was in sense the owner of the rather Zombie me going through the motions of life. There was a lot of pain, a sense of feeling trapped then almost.

Interestingly now, I am going through an intense phase of the observer angle during one of the most fairly peaceful stages of my life. Nothing to considerably mar this place where I am. I am in rather a Zen state ( occasionally messed about with the irritability of hormones and the havoc they play in women as they refuse to age.) with everything in life, and keeping my life and its energies rather tame and uncomplicated.

The difference though is that the watching sense has no sense of self now. No sense of identity. No sense of ownership. No sense of emotions. It is almost like nothingness watching a Zombie human go through the motions of life. I do every single thing that is expected of me through the day. Two selves within me. A Zombie that behaves exactly what i put out to the world. It feels, says, connects, acts. wins, loses, interacts, writes, cooks, does everything. But there is a sense of a disconnected floating. But the watching self, is a no self. So, in a way its like nothing watching a zombie nothing.

Interestingly, there is no numbness, negativity, detachment, emotion, intelligence, even thoughts. It is not depression. It is not loneliness. It is not anything. Not even Isness which has a presence. Even this post what I am putting out in a sense, a sensing, a sort of awareness but which is more cognitive than intelligent, which I am trying to express through words that don't fully convey what i sense.  - SS

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There is an ache for physicality that makes us so humanly fragile. The sheer ache for a hug from a beloved, the joy of a kiss from a child, the missing of someone who has passed away and the coldness that comes from the indifference of those around us. No amount of virtual, online, mental or spiritual connect or memories can overcome the physical ache or joy and realness that touch brings. Sometimes, I wish it was possible to hug ourselves. - SS

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Many do not realise that moments of pain, loneliness, hurt, stress or shock are the true doors to letting someone close in. There is nothing more painful than seeing a close one suffer and be made to feel an outsider. You question all the moments you ever felt one with them. It is easy to allow someone in during happy times. How open we are in including the other into our pain marks a true relationship. To grieve, or to go through pain but with love to oneself and kindness to the other is immensely empowering and intimate. Whether one walks alone or one rejects or brushes aside a loving extended hand to walk alone seals a relationship forever. - SS

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You can make it through to sunshine again. Trust me. And, you matter. For your own self. And, you can do this on your own. It will not be easy, almost impossible in a world that teaches you to hate and condemn yourself, which is stingy with its love, and which will value you more when you die than when you are alive... it is exactly for that reason, you have climb your way back again. You owe it for yourself.

Take a day at a time. You can do it. Until, this dark period fades far away in the past, to become a distant memory. And, it will become impossible for you to get to that point of pain again. You will reach a point where the pain stops, heals and completely disappears. - SS

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Take care. It is a beautiful world amidst the ugliness, and loneliness. And, within you lies such levels of beauty, that i cannot begin to describe. Once, you realize this well, you will never run dry again. - SS
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Pre-dawn.

The confused half state between fading moonlight and a shy rose pink dawn. Utter stillness. A lone figure trudges along the winding road, and a solitary eagle circles around stretching its wings.

Three actors on a stage and each unaware of the other.

Coffee in hand, in a half-dreamy state, i tune into the music of the day. To the silent music within me. - SS

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Acknowledging loneliness as a reality is very different from feeling loneliness as an ache or a need. The first is a little bit like Nirvana. Nothing changes dramatically and yet one lives reconciled with the integral truth and acceptance of loneliness as a permanent condition of life. There is a certain grace and wisdom to this acceptance which only an advanced student of life will understand. The second is what the world knows and understands easily and battles. The loneliness of a master is different from the loneliness of a student. And, just like Nirvana, the switch from a mere student to a master happens with no drama and the essence of loneliness is changed within forever.  - SS

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All the data mining in the world, all the unseen connections that a human is unable to make but a machine can be taught to make, all the various chemical reactions in a human that can be studied , manipulated for economic reasons for solutions, and yet the deep human suffering or craving within a human, the ability to feel, unfeel, traumatize, love and hate can those be replaced? No machine can replicate the utter vulnerability and the pointlessness of the human condition nor the resilience of the human spirit to attempt past it.

Our behavior, goals, relationships, triggers, decisions, cravings, failures, success, rewards aspirations... everything can be studied, manipulated, replaced except the utter vulnerability and loneliness of the human condition to miss something beyond what is there. This is Mankind's boon and curse. Machines can be taught to know what it is to feel. But, can a machine feel? What do you think? - SS

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The loneliest moments are not those of regret but moments where you do not belong, are not acknowledged. They are moments of intense awareness, that in the drama of life playing out in front of you, you are not an active participant. That when you could have taken centre stage in your own story, you are in the side wings. It is about living the moment you think you should have in your head, and finding that it is playing out very different in reality and no one cares about the irony other than your own self. The loneliest moments are ones of ache, for moments not fully lived and in which you would have given anything to do so. - SS

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I am nothing but an insecure, lonely coward desperately in love with life, beauty, love, truth and passion. - SS

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